Smoothie Snobbery

First, an update.  My tools to help me get myself back on track have been somewhat successful.  Hooray!  I was better at meal planning, and although I'm still far from perfect at adhering to my meal plans, it did help.  I also broke out the monster Maverick mug and the water has been flowing!  As for the third goal (getting back on the treadmill) I didn't do so hot.  I've been limited on my running because I'm old and fat and I keep getting things like pinched nerves and shin splints.  HOWEVER, I have done two classes at Cardio Barre which kicks my butt plenty.  Oh and I'm down about 3 more lbs.  Hooray!  Anyway, on to the blog...

I will admit it.  In the past, I have had the opinion that people who drink green smoothies are a little bit snobbish.  With their fancy Vitamix blenders and chia seeds, I couldn't help but think they were being a little bit stuck up.  What is up with the fancy mason jars?  Like, is a glass not good enough for your concoction of blended green things and soy milk? 

I do, however, think that mixing your fruits and veggies into a drinkable glass of yum is a great idea.  It's kind of like drinking a V8, except...good.  I really started getting into it when I was pregnant with the babe.  Partially because if I went to get Hokulia shave ice and pork tacos from Café Rio (my pregnant lady addictions) then at least I knew I had at least one nutritious thing in my diet.  Although I'm no longer pregnant, I still find it's an easy way to get good things into my body.  I like to make myself a green smoothie, add a granola bar, and call it lunch.

I'm trying not to be a green smoothie snob.  First of all, I do not have a fancy blender. I have a Magic Bullet or Magic Rocket or Rockety Bullet Magic or something like that.  I realize that it sounds more like an appliance for the bedroom rather than the kitchen, but I promise it is just a blender.  And it is definitely NOT magic, but it does get the job done.  Second, I try to keep it simple and I don't generally use super fancy ingredients.  I have researched green smoothie recipes, and although they do look delicious, most of them just seem like too much work for something that isn't a cheeseburger.
Third, no fancy jars for me.  My glass I got free with my Italian soda at the Spaghetti Factory works just fine, thank you.  (When you read that did you get a craving for spaghetti with browned butter and mizithra from Spaghetti Factory??  I did.)

So here is what I do for my green smoothie:  1 cup fruit of choice.  In the winter I buy frozen fruit (no sugar added), but I do like fresh better.  1 cup spinach or kale.  Who am I kidding?  I don't buy kale.  Who buys kale??  I only use spinach as it's affordable, it lasts a long time and is not stuck up.  1 cup vanilla almond milk.  I realize that the unsweetened or the light versions of almond milk are better for you but I think they taste like spit.  I add a splash of water to make it blend a little smoother, and there you go!  A perfectly healthy, un-snobbish green smoothie!

P.S.  If you own a Vitamix blender, I am jealous of you.  If you own kale and chia seeds, well, I love you anyway. 

I Deserve This!

I am sad to say that I have been totally unmotivated for the last two weeks.  I haven't been running and my diet has gone straight to hell.  I was down two extra pounds...but not anymore.  Ugh!  Today after eating Fiesta Ole (yum!), a Dunford donut (double yum!!) and a very regrettable and unsatisfying Hot Pocket (when is eating a Hot Pocket ever a good idea??), I have finally found myself low enough to kindle a spark of motivation.  Time to refocus!  Okay maybe after this next donut...

As I am trying to get myself back on track I find myself contemplating why I often lose my way on the diet path.  I mean, besides the obvious fact that burgers, fries and donuts are delicious and carrots, yogurt and tofu are lame, of course. 

I deserve this.  I've earned this.  I need this to feel better.

Yes, folks, my name is Kelly and I am an emotional eater.  The mindset of I deserve this pizza/chocolate/french fry because I had a bad day/good day is the number one way I derail my diet.  EVERY TIME.  I know that I'm doing it and that I shouldn't, but it always seems like a good idea at the time.  Sometimes I feel like my diet would benefit more from a shrink than a personal trainer.  Although I desperately want to change this behavior, there is always a part of me that just as desperately wants to hang on to it.  Because food equals love.  Because when I have to take a pile of allergy meds and get a billion allergy shots in 2 hours I really do feel like I deserve a chocolate sundae.  And when I work 14 hours at the Summer Blow Out Sale I really do feel like I've earned pizza and a giant Dr. Pepper.  And when I have a 2 lb baby in the NICU I really do feel like that hamburger and fries is going to make me feel better (it doesn't!).

I am not meaning to make this blog post depressing.  I really am feeling more focused and motivated and I think that recognizing self-defeating behavior is helpful. I do think that people should treat themselves.  Food is meant to be enjoyed and shouldn't be an enemy.  I just need to learn how to make those naughty foods more of an occasional reward and less of a "need".  So far I haven't figured out how to do that.   However, I have three things I am going to do this week to help myself stay on track:
1.  Stricter menu planning for myself.  It's harder to be naughty when I already know what I'm going to eat.
2.  Get my butt back on the treadmill.  This is for lots of reasons, but if I happen to need a chocolate sundae then at least I can kick my metabolism up a notch.  Hooray.
3.  Drink more water.  I used to be the water queen.  Time to break out my beloved 100 oz Maverick mug!

If anyone has had any success with changing self-defeating behaviors I would be open to suggestions!
I promise the next post won't be so lame. 

Going Garbanzo

So apparently there are a lot of cauliflower lovers out there.  Who knew? Since my last blog I have had quite a few people try to sell me on the "virtues" of cauliflower and cauliflower recipes. To those people I have this to say: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yours just happens to be wrong! (Neener, neener)

However, since last week was dedicated to a healthy recipe fail, I thought it only fair to dedicate this week to a healthy recipe victory.  The recipe: Chocolate Chip Blondie

As I started out, I realized that once again I was faced with using an ingredient that has no business being in a recipe for something delicious.  The imposter this week: the chickpea.  In case you didn't know, chickpea is just a fancy name for a garbanzo bean. And garbanzo is just code for "stinky little bean that isn't good in anything except Indian food".  Also once again, the poser ingredient was standing in for the flour. Flour is code for "tasteless ingredient that somehow turns recipes into awesome, not to be substituted with cauliflower which tastes like bum".

After last week's cauliflower catastrophe, plus knowing, as I do, about the code word for stinky little bean that isn't good in anything except Indian food, I was a little bit nervous about making this recipe.  But the recipe was simple and most of the ingredients seemed pretty fool proof, so I persevered.  The result: yummy peanut buttery, chocolatey goodness that was moist and delicious and didn't taste anything like stinky beans. Label me IMPRESSED. The imposter bean knows his business!

Of course after the garbanzo bean thing worked out, the next logical step would be to google  "garbanzo bean pizza crust", right? I hope so, because that's what I did.  I found about a garbanzillion (see what I did there?) recipes for pizza crust that used garbanzo bean flour of all things.  I had no  idea such a thing existed.  I'll have to try it out and see if it tastes like stinky beans.

Here is a picture of my beautiful treat.  Be jealous!

Cauliflower FAIL

In the past, cauliflower has been one of the less desirable vegetables.  Rightly so.  As a pasty, wanna be version of broccoli, it's kind of like the nerd of vegetables. Plus it tastes kind of like bum.  It used to be the only bearable way to eat cauliflower was to smother it in cheese, and even then it still had a slight flavor of bum.

 But now cauliflower is getting a makeover.  People are using it to make garlic bread type things, ham fried rice and pizza crust.  And why wouldn't cauliflower want to be a carb?  Carbs are awesome, especially in bread form.

I have never been a fan of the no carb thing.  I think that depriving your body of things it needs is a really bad idea.  Plus, did I mention I like donuts?  I do, however, agree with trying to eat a few less carbs, and trying to make those carbs healthy ones when possible.  So I'll admit, I fell for that pizza-crust-poser...cauliflower.

 In the spirit of full disclosure I have to say that a small part of me was attracted to the cauliflower crust thing only because that meant I could put more cheese and toppings on my pizza.  But that's beside the point.   My sister sent me a recipe for cauliflower pizza crust that guaranteed to be golden, crispy, pick up and eat pizza crust.  I was game.  I mean, if you could eat a vegetable that tastes like crispy, golden, delicious bread, why wouldn't you??

The first thing I found about turning cauliflower into bread is its a lot of work.  First I chopped the cauliflower.  Then put it in the food processor.  Then put it in a pot and boiled it.  Then strained it.  Then put it in a dish towel and squeezed the hell out of it.  Once the hell was all squeezed out, I squeezed it some more. Then I mixed it with other non-bread ingredients, shaped it onto my pan and baked it.  Keep in mind that while I was doing this, I was constantly losing kernels of cauliflower, so by the time I was done, me and my kitchen were covered in little white pebbles of a food that smells a bit like bum.  And my kitchen smelled like baked bum.  Once done, I had a vaguely pizza crust shaped thing that was not golden, not crispy and still tasted like cauliflower.  Gross!  Needless to say, I didn't insult my cheese and toppings by putting them on this "crust".

So please, everyone, I beg of you...KEEP CAULIFLOWER WHERE IT BELONGS!! Stop the madness!! We can't continue to let that imposter dupe would-be dieters into thinking that it can be anything but the nerdy vegetable it is.  If you need to eat something that taste like bum, smother it in cheese, but don't disrespect bread in this way.  Thank you.